Went to the ashram
with a friend today. I felt like
Elizabeth in Eat, pray, love. Try
as I did, today I could not find that place. I started meditating before the Swami came…and I could not
concentrate after the Swami said so. The frustration of not being to concentrate is a real
frustration. But I think I should listen to a wise friend…that I should just
observe.
I really feel like I’m
at crossroads in my life…this is the time I make a more informed decision about
my life. But if I do make a
decision…I would need to commit.
Running my mouth about how I have learnt this and that, been here and
there would need to stop. I would
literally need to shut up (mentally too)…that's some serious ninja-shogun-monk
technique. I need to be that
ninja-shogun-monk who trains her mind to yield a sword of honour, discipline
and concentrated focus that will guide her towards light and silence.
The latter I have
fallen in love with recently. I
love waking up in the morning and keeping silent for about 30 minutes to an
hour. It is beautiful. And it’s
even more beautiful when the first beings you speak to are flowers, trees and
birds…that excite my being.
I wish I could take
that feeling into every part of my life.
It may be easy to find happiness but keeping it is difficult.
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