Dancing to a different beat

I haven't posted in a while. I am sure the two people following this know it.
We all have a lot we do in life. Somethings are senseless. Some we do because of necessity. And others we just factory in cause we are scared to do nothing in life.

I have been doing a lot of things in my life that are not necessary. I have always balanced this with a rigorous bout of something creative. As you can imagine...this leaves me tired and feeling a little overused.

I do confess that all the other things on the side that I have always done have been about keeping me alive. In my earlier posts I have written about how a certain country keeps me alive and others do not. Environments we live in can either help us become better people by creating a bottle effect around us...and we emerge like butterflies taking a breath into new life.
Other environments can stifle you, make you feel flat and worthless in the end.
I personally choose to live in an environment that lets you spread your wings when you have been cocooned for some time. The results are more rewarding.

My cocoon stage began when I came back from Japan the first time and included a greats with  my family. I chose to live with my family when I came back in the hopes of reconnecting with them and building relationships. My reasons were basic: I would probably decide to jet off and live somewhere else for a long while while I build a family and my life's work. I was blessed to find that most of my family was still alive and that I could make connections with family that had even passed away.
My ancestors and current family gave me a stable environment for becoming a more universal being. This really made the phrase "on Earth as it is in Heaven". Celestial bodies are a reflection of who we are...who we have been and reflect those that have passed and still follow us in spirit.

 

When we free ourselves in the grandest ways...grand things happen to us. This is my greatest experiment on Earth. I want to keep growing. I think there is no sense to living if we don't learn and aspire to be the best human beings we can be. This is also a great saying from the Buddha which confirmed that my dreams at 13 to become Buddhist were correct.

I have decided that I need to retire at a young age...meaning I would like to be working on my own functional business at a young age and doing nothing else but finding peace, love and happiness on my downtime.

 

I am almost there.
I also want to be in a place that would allow growth...specifically in my heart chakra. My heart chakra has been open since I was 12(maybe younger) because of how we live in Johannesburg. We try to shield our children from danger and hurt by telling them to love less, to be a little less happy and in general not to shine as much as they should. 

I am sick of that. So I  decided to move locations for now. My beautiful Johannesburg has been my bottle filled with smog. It has served well as a place to find where my spirit belongs....where my wings should be battering away...showed me how much I can dampen my light before I can feel like all life has been sucked away.

I have moved.

Jarat camping

Monti 

                                                                      

I went to East London last december...not P.E....East London or Monti(depends if you grew up there or not). I had a bit of a tough time cause I was broke but I guess if the universe wills it, you will most often get it. Camping in Desbo`s backyard was an amazing, even more amazing is the feeling of spending time with friends that truly care. 

                                     

I had found myself at the end of my rope somehow during that holiday, but quick trips around East London made sure my spirits were up. If it wasn`t for the wind...it would be an ideal spot to live. East London`s wind factory is crazy, I`m a jozi girl and wind translates to cold. Desbo is currently my pillar of strength I guess that`s what true friends become, even if she lives that far...but my core consultation on anything is her....I am glad I had to wait this long to find a friend like this. 

So went to town and generally chilled which happens to be my favourite passtime(besides actually travelling and dancing).  The backyard was a bit of an adventure, the frogs would sing us to insomnia,the next moment we have dogs running around....poitjiekos the next.

East London always reflective in so many ways...i guess largely cause I have people who reflect the truth back. 

The trip back                                                               

The trip was a trip to forget(really!). I took the trip back with my friend....it was two days before Christmas. I warn anyone who would like to take the train back to Jozi on a sunday, not to. The train was 6hours late....yes 6 HOURS LATE....the apology we got from Metro rail(Shosholoza) were 5 potato slap chips and a piece of meat(Me being vegetarian was not impressed). Somehow client service is not something that is taught in South Africa...I guess we all think saying `Ubuntu` makes us client friendly and replaces client services. 

I was just glad to be home...cause I was about to meet a very special someone(as the universe would have it)      

                                                                                          

The special somebody

I had met my peanut in tertiary, we weren`t very good friends back then. We made another connection at a dance festival I was apart of some time back. Peanut contacted me in december to keep in touch,nje(just). We talked a lot during my trip in Monti....and when I came back...we decided we should at least catch-up. I guess that got the ball rolling and we hit it off. 

At a point in my life when I thought I haven`t been learning much...peanut has really given me a lot to think about. I have been in information overdrive since then....but I can`t remember someone really caring about where I am...if I am safe. And the constant reminders about caring....I guess I haven`t been cared for in a while. I guess that`s what happens when we put ourselves in relationships that are less about both parties and are mainly about the hunter and the gatherer. 

Hunter gatherer relations can be deep and I have only realised this recently. Relations between men and women are just DEEP....and in South Africa they get rough. You could find your open-minded self getting attacked for being open about your values. In this day and age it is still not a good idea to open yourself up to an average African male. If they don`t believe in something...they oppose it...physically or other wise. Expressing your true feelings can be a death wish if you aren`t careful. For some reason the average South African male has been taught that they come first...first in ralationships.....lines....food...ANYTHING. I mean our cultures have been diluted that men can feel like you don`t have a choice in a decision and they have the right to take a decision for you. 

This of course means women in general do not contribute to decisions....decisions in financial decisions, activities,relationship decisions....and sexual issues.  The funny thing is that most of these traditionalist men don`t read or build themselves as people because when you think you are gods gift to this earth...why improve. This has cause a lotta problems in our society...its let men think that the word`RESPONSIBILITY` is something someone needs to do once in their life. 

This is deeper than age cause....I met a pretty young fellow..someone in their early twenties(maybe even in their 9-teens) they were telling me a women needs to cook for them cause he can`t have it any other way. He states that because his dad never touches a pot...he can`t either. And I thought that kind of thinking died when Steve Biko was fighting for black conciousness....unfortunately that became a buzz word instead of a movement. You can`t lift a finger for yourself when your mind is in your way....                        

Ok...so i go off-line sometimes..so I came back and I busted my way into town,then hid in the undergroves of love and life. And its been good...I don`t think I have put this much of myself in a relationship. I haven`t go this much out of a relationship either...it`s chipped away so much gunk....peeled away so many layers off my introvert-self that keeps me at arms length from my true self. It is amazing how another person can have that impact on you. Make you realise how much you needed to be awakened in one aspect of your life. It is DEEP!

So now...

I am reading a book borrowed for peanut, "Eat, Pray,Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. The book is divided into three parts...eat,pray and love. There is a mesage of praying through out the whole book. Spirituality is dealt in different ways or manners....through food...prayer and love. I find it amazing that I am reading this book, it has had an impact on how I view my life. Elizabeth covers topics through travelling and meeting people. Although she does start off with her divorce close to the end you realise that you could have been in that bad relationship, only you were lucky enough not to have married that person. 

Check it out.....Im still on the last chapter and taking my time reading it(cause I don`t like to finish good books too quick)