Walking and staying...with it

     Mpho Molao and Bonolo Ratshid: Same but not different by Sello Pesa

I was walking to the taxi rank this afternoon...saw a monk who nodded a hello form his car. In that moment it was clear that I had been in the same place for some years. In my lifetime(this one) I have been a Lutheran, wiccan and buddhist(almost sort of). This has been a steady climb back to my roots and keeping up "my spirits" in a way.  Realising that I have not had an once of meditation in the last...oh,give or take....three years(except that one time in dance class) leads me to believe I have neglected my spirit in a lot of ways which is why maybe I cannot concentrate that well anymore or keep calm while under pressure. 

My head ended up in the clouds as usual. For some reason when I start thinking about how my spirit has or hasn`t progressed Or when I get into one of those spiritual moments...my day totally deviates into a spiritual-make-ure-life-better days. To make matters worse I was listening to that album that is stuck on repeat on my I-pod....thandiswa mazwai`s Ibokwe hasn`t made it my recently played music since it made it in about a month ago. I guess I agree with the messages. 

Another thing why she is on repeat is she is comfort. At the moment truly wonderful things are occuring in my life...I am not sure if I am appreciating them enough, cause I really do not have enough time for myself. For example I have been meeting too many enlightened souls(sons and daughters of the light....healers), people who under going their training....and my boo`s family is all up in that mix. I have love these peeps, I truly believe they are here to set the balance right and that we all must try pitch in where we can(cause the burden is heavy). 

I guess I am very scared on one side that I am chewing off more than I can chew....but on the other Goddess will not give you what you can`t handle. My peanut`s going away for some time...only Goddess knows and I am left here without partnership...and lots of work. I guess I need to do the work so that when peanut comes back I can afford to stand up on my own. 

I have too much work in terms of business and not enough time cause of school. 

The beading

The painting

the drawing

The sewing

The selling

The marketing

The books

The schoolwork

The clothing

The events

The activism

The projects

The Peanutt Buttah Jahms

The studio

The teaching

It is like before...before Japan. I had too much stuff going on in Jozi....cause I lacked focus and the know-how to turn that energy into cash. Now the cycle is trying to repeat itself even when I have put certain methods to counter act that. We will see if I can conquer this place of gold(metaphorically and literally) before I burn in its cauldron. 

Jarat camping

Monti 

                                                                      

I went to East London last december...not P.E....East London or Monti(depends if you grew up there or not). I had a bit of a tough time cause I was broke but I guess if the universe wills it, you will most often get it. Camping in Desbo`s backyard was an amazing, even more amazing is the feeling of spending time with friends that truly care. 

                                     

I had found myself at the end of my rope somehow during that holiday, but quick trips around East London made sure my spirits were up. If it wasn`t for the wind...it would be an ideal spot to live. East London`s wind factory is crazy, I`m a jozi girl and wind translates to cold. Desbo is currently my pillar of strength I guess that`s what true friends become, even if she lives that far...but my core consultation on anything is her....I am glad I had to wait this long to find a friend like this. 

So went to town and generally chilled which happens to be my favourite passtime(besides actually travelling and dancing).  The backyard was a bit of an adventure, the frogs would sing us to insomnia,the next moment we have dogs running around....poitjiekos the next.

East London always reflective in so many ways...i guess largely cause I have people who reflect the truth back. 

The trip back                                                               

The trip was a trip to forget(really!). I took the trip back with my friend....it was two days before Christmas. I warn anyone who would like to take the train back to Jozi on a sunday, not to. The train was 6hours late....yes 6 HOURS LATE....the apology we got from Metro rail(Shosholoza) were 5 potato slap chips and a piece of meat(Me being vegetarian was not impressed). Somehow client service is not something that is taught in South Africa...I guess we all think saying `Ubuntu` makes us client friendly and replaces client services. 

I was just glad to be home...cause I was about to meet a very special someone(as the universe would have it)      

                                                                                          

The special somebody

I had met my peanut in tertiary, we weren`t very good friends back then. We made another connection at a dance festival I was apart of some time back. Peanut contacted me in december to keep in touch,nje(just). We talked a lot during my trip in Monti....and when I came back...we decided we should at least catch-up. I guess that got the ball rolling and we hit it off. 

At a point in my life when I thought I haven`t been learning much...peanut has really given me a lot to think about. I have been in information overdrive since then....but I can`t remember someone really caring about where I am...if I am safe. And the constant reminders about caring....I guess I haven`t been cared for in a while. I guess that`s what happens when we put ourselves in relationships that are less about both parties and are mainly about the hunter and the gatherer. 

Hunter gatherer relations can be deep and I have only realised this recently. Relations between men and women are just DEEP....and in South Africa they get rough. You could find your open-minded self getting attacked for being open about your values. In this day and age it is still not a good idea to open yourself up to an average African male. If they don`t believe in something...they oppose it...physically or other wise. Expressing your true feelings can be a death wish if you aren`t careful. For some reason the average South African male has been taught that they come first...first in ralationships.....lines....food...ANYTHING. I mean our cultures have been diluted that men can feel like you don`t have a choice in a decision and they have the right to take a decision for you. 

This of course means women in general do not contribute to decisions....decisions in financial decisions, activities,relationship decisions....and sexual issues.  The funny thing is that most of these traditionalist men don`t read or build themselves as people because when you think you are gods gift to this earth...why improve. This has cause a lotta problems in our society...its let men think that the word`RESPONSIBILITY` is something someone needs to do once in their life. 

This is deeper than age cause....I met a pretty young fellow..someone in their early twenties(maybe even in their 9-teens) they were telling me a women needs to cook for them cause he can`t have it any other way. He states that because his dad never touches a pot...he can`t either. And I thought that kind of thinking died when Steve Biko was fighting for black conciousness....unfortunately that became a buzz word instead of a movement. You can`t lift a finger for yourself when your mind is in your way....                        

Ok...so i go off-line sometimes..so I came back and I busted my way into town,then hid in the undergroves of love and life. And its been good...I don`t think I have put this much of myself in a relationship. I haven`t go this much out of a relationship either...it`s chipped away so much gunk....peeled away so many layers off my introvert-self that keeps me at arms length from my true self. It is amazing how another person can have that impact on you. Make you realise how much you needed to be awakened in one aspect of your life. It is DEEP!

So now...

I am reading a book borrowed for peanut, "Eat, Pray,Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. The book is divided into three parts...eat,pray and love. There is a mesage of praying through out the whole book. Spirituality is dealt in different ways or manners....through food...prayer and love. I find it amazing that I am reading this book, it has had an impact on how I view my life. Elizabeth covers topics through travelling and meeting people. Although she does start off with her divorce close to the end you realise that you could have been in that bad relationship, only you were lucky enough not to have married that person. 

Check it out.....Im still on the last chapter and taking my time reading it(cause I don`t like to finish good books too quick)